mayb it was just me

since young, i dun really like ppl breaking promise,
like they say wan bring me to somewhere,
i will put much hope on it.
but,
once they break the promise,
the only answer i got is that we need to be flexsible,
need to c the time,
need to accept ppl breaking promise.

but, sometimes,
i really hope, that ppl can fulfill at least one promise they made to me
exspeacially some one that is important to me.
i dun like ppl making promises.

but i do make promises, ant will no mater how, fulfill it.
even thn i get scolding later.
but i always kept them.

but i really hope ppl will keep their promises.
really i hope.

today, some one said coming to c me, i did prepare, but i din even get an answer,
nor did tat person came.
this made me think of the sandakan trip.
if tat really u can't go, plz, dun promise me.

i am really scare i become someone who doesn't believe in promises people made..

a door to be open

infron me is two door, a door that looks small and timid
and the other, big and mighty

i turn to the mighty door,
thinking how to open it,
it must take all my might to open it.
But to my surprise,
when i tried to open that mighty door,
just a push,
the door came trembling down

then, i turn to the small and timid door
thinking, this door must be as heavy as stone
as hard as diamond
i gather all my might,
and give the door a push.
but, to my surprise
the door open so easily,
as if it was never been close.

the mighty door tell me,
don't judge a book by it's cover
the timid door tell me,
don't let your past be an obstacle

we always doubt how to open each door
but,
now i know how
another question comes out,
which one do i go in?

30 march 2007.....

well, i woke up today and found out that half of my family members are sick.
this means that i need to do all the work..
will, i mean ALL.... n u noe how tired tat is...
haha.... luckly my mom din really ask me to do al..
luckly for me.

the day b4 yesterday i got a sms saying that he will go to ns on sat...
which is tomolo....

one part of me felt gad that at last he is able to go, and won need to bother it anymore..
but one part of me felt sad.... T.T

haha.. i think i do need some time to overcome it de...

but you never noe....

3 month is not tat long... but when u start to count the days, it make it longer.. and longer...
haha.... stupid me

well, i'm still thinking will i go to the trip, since that its been a long time we din gether together.
but, karabunei is really a place i always go de...

haha...

but mayb70% of me will go... but a nother problem arise...
i have NO CAR>>> NO TRANSPORT....

haiz... i think i contact steph n c how la... ^^

got my result today...
it was bad...
haiz...

another day..... another day

fasting month.....
means need to wake up early... ^^
so i have been waking up early n also been sleeping late....
so wake up early + sleep late = not enuf sleep..

haha........

well, during fasting month, i usually gain weight. but this year, i loose weight T.T
tat is a terrible news for me.....
so sad..
most of my cloth already vry loose...
haiz.......
but nvm.... it is fun to fast.... but it is quite tired also..

haha..... so hope i can manage it o....

wat?

new year, a season where ppl will feel happy, will wish one another.
tat season is when all the love n blessing will go flyin around...
but, i duno why, i dont really can blen in to this season.....
i tried to blen in, but the more i try, the more i felt drop out..
haha...... so i just keep quite..... until i dun really talk much.....
and act as wat ppl wan... n not wat i am.....
it is hard, but i duno wat more can i do....
even at home, a mask was always with me...
when can i be me again? y cant anyone accept me as me...
n not as wat they hope to be...
why?

this new year, i duno wat meaning to me..
now, i also worried with my future..
wat can i do?
i really scare i did not do well, due to my health n hospital visit..
i noe i cannot blam anyone..
but i noe i tried..
so wat i get is mine...
n there is nothing i can do noe...

sometime i cannot sleep, thinking many things...
but i really duno who can i tell..
i duno who to tell..
ppl use to say tell ur friend... but the ones who i tried as friend,
didnt respond to this call..
some time i wonder, them , will they tread me as wat i tried them?
so, slowly, i start to feel lost...

now, i am wondering in a path i duno where it will leads....

new year?

first of all... Happy New Year o...
well, today is the third day of new year, which usually, ppl will go visit most of ppl de house... but i din go anywhere
hahaha....
actually i wanted to go somewhere de.. but i duno who to call to go tat place..
anyways,,, wat to do......
i can only be at home today...
n no ppl came visit as well..
haha.. this is the first time i dun really have the mood of chinese new year..
i mean, this begining of the year, i basicly din have any mood for any celebration..
haiz...
valentine, birthday, new year,.... i really duno now...
haiz,,,,....

but lastly, still need to wish everyone, happy new year.. i mean... happpy chinese new year. to every one...

hope every one have a wonderfull new year, may your wish come true.. ~!~!~!

have u every been to a misarable day??
haha..
plenty of things happen to me...
but, sometime, i dun really wan this things to happen... but i just cannot help not to let tat things happen.

haiz..... how?

sometime, i feel like will i be remember?
i mean, i always feel that can i find some one to talk to?
i mean a friend...
mayb i'm not someone ppl will remember....
but...
haiz..
mayb i'm not someone who noe how to make friend..
haiz....

i just heard the news.. although it has pass many days, but wat i can get is, when ppl have problem, but, there will always be ppl to help u

sometime, we cannot say this world is cruel.. coz, when we look around, even small little good deeds, sometime make us feel good.

at least, in this time, there is still ppl that is kind hearted enuf to help people...

but, i am no way getting health... haiz.//// but i really hope can leave a normal life..

but now, i can't even eat cold, hot, heady food..... all i can eat is normal plain food..
at least i still can eat pizza... haiz.....

well, every ones live will change, but towards wat path? a better one o towards the worse? i have a feelings that my life will change from now, but to where?
i don't really noe it my self.....

hmm.. as time passes by, i am walking towards 20 years old... but i dun really like it...
i look down, n c so many ppl younger thn me... ... haiz.............
nothing to say...

anywhere.... wish all happy new year.....

everyday seems the same...
but i really hope something different.,...
now, one year has come to an end...
some times i wonder, have i done wat i wan to do?
o have i not?

ppl has reach thier goals, but have i?
oh, another more year,
i have grown... but am i really learn that much wat i should learn?

another new year, another brand new wishes,
but have i fulfill all my wishes now?
i look at the young ones,
oh my, how big i have grown...

another new year, means another wish
can i fulfill them? i dun't noe.

have i walk the path i wanted?
but i don't have the answer.
all i can do, is continue walking, until i reach my goal...

happy new year

my day

today, i was so tired. i been teaching the whole day, plus my leg has blister..
T.T
tomolo duno how to go work
whole my leg pain, coz yesterday de high heels.
haiz.
tomolo is winter day.
how a?
duno how
hope can go home early.
one more thing, i haven buy my cloth for working..
die lo
duno wat to wear...
haiz......................

start work

i started work last week..
it is been i think two weeks from now.
feeling tired...
i mean vry tired
hais./.....
^^
but still ok la i think..
christmas, hope got holiday
but i scare dun have o
haiz

my house in a mess now, my mom making pinata.
hope can help her, but cannot
well, nvm la... ^^
hahaha

hope i can stand walking to work

ya, tty is going to ns, hope he will be ok lo.. ^^
jia you

so tired~!~!~!~!

so tired from exam....
haiz
but stil.. jia you o.... ^^
few more days to go~!~!~1

wat to do?

sometime, i dun think i can stand the house...
wat am i talking about?
i also not sure...
but i dun think i like the house anymore..
everyday, only they talk that wat we need to do..
when they ask us wat we wan, but, when we say what we one,
our voice is being cover up with all their words
wat could i say, sometime, i see things much more then them
coz tat is wat i am good of, but they only listen to what other ppl say
n dun believe their own daughter...

sometime, i mean all the time, i feel lonely,
but wat can i do? nothing
y\? what can i do?
i am sad, yes, vry sad,
i duno how can i be happy.
i am depresse...... i duno what should i do
when can i got the believe of my family?

how? how?
life without a listener, life without a ppl to listen
lonely... dark
cry in the dark
but what could i do?
can anyone tell me?
i duno....

a life with family, but i dun feel them
life with friends, but i feel lonely
wat can i do?
i don't know...
just feel to voice my voice now....
but i noe i cannot.

thinking deeply

i just finish my convocation yesterday, but i dun feel a thing now.
i duno wat is happening to me now..
i really duno...

bad luck?

sometimes, i been thinking, do u believe in bad luck?
well, yesterday me day is bad luck
guess wat?

well, i woke up at 8.. not that i wanted to... but i was wake up by the voice of my grandma.. not forgetting that i always wakes when there is voice..
haha, well, i when to sleep at 2.30 n wake up at 8, so guess wat, i ran out from room n sleep at sofa.. (bad idea)
coz not til 10 minit, my grandma come asking me y slep at the sofa...
well.. my answer was so stupid... coz the room was hot.... hahaha

thn my mom say that we need to go out to go for raya..
wat~!~! raya, when i'm having sore through???
har? wat to do... just eat la./...
thn it started to rain
n my pa bring us to go servey, coz my mom wans to buy some paper..
when i reach home.. it is 4.. children class..
i thought i don't need to go.. mana tahu, my sister wans to bring the children to park.. which means i need to drive,... duno y my sister dun't wan to drive.....
thn hor, the car cannot start...
stupidcar.
thn play at there la...
thn come back time the car also cannot start.
again.
thn the arlam when off..... wah.,.. everyone was looking at us.... ..
wah... i so hope i was not there
thn my dad came...
so happy..
but i need to send the children back home... the worst part is that my big sister no need to follow, coz she dun noe the place... wat the....
i reach home at 7.30. guess wat, my tuition starts at 7.30
meaning to say i am late..
i reach tuition at 8.20
wah.. not yet eat my dinner..
T.T
study till 9.30 reach home
eat things thn i doze off at sofa .. coz too tired. my big sister calls me to sleep at my room
but guess wat, i was dreaming n i was scolding her..
wah... my family laught at me...
so cham o...
T.T

hope this few days will be better for me~!~!~

hope? light?

i'm lost now...
duno where to go
walking alone..
yes, i dun't reallt noe how to comunicate with ppl.
i basicly noe nothing.
so?
my life goes trought many things, some terrible things that i dun wish other will walk tat path
there was no helping hand, n i face everyday with doub.
wat can i do?

to talk where no ppl is listening, how can i communicate?
i really don't know.
passing each day is a pain
ya, no feelings of the real me review in my face
how fake is it?
yet, i been say, by almost everyone i noe,
but have anyone really listen b for wat i feel b4 telling me wat i need to do??

i use to think that i will have a sholder for me to lean to...
but i found none.
wat i go across each day, my problems,
i dun think any one noe....
hahaha...... i laught at my self
how useless am i.....

useless

galz?

yesterday when to kk....
haha.. bunch of galz....
so will be vry vry vry funny coz gals do talk
when i was walking with them, i started thinking... sometimes, gals are really important to galz..
haha.... funny huh...
yesterdat, whole kk was pack...
coz hari raya was near, n tat day is depavali.
as i was looking at the streams of car, and look at everyones faces,
i think, wow, this is such a busy place, but once i glance at the blue sea, i felt a different way,
sometimes, life can be vry busy, but in all this busy times, there always be a place where it is co calm, a place where it can bring a new hope for you.

well, i spend most of my time window shopping, and it was a vry long time since i window shop,
i really miss those times, when wat i have is only time....
but now, the only thing i dun have is also time..
haha.....

btw, yesterday as i came back, i saw behind my house, a flower, in the middle of the bushes,
so nice n beautiful, it refreshes my day.... i think , i will refreshes ur day as well.....

a day?

wat a day..
everyday studying..
hope everything will go smothly...
jia you o me..~!~!~!

new look

a brand new look for a bran new me.....
haha... hope so la...
but i been thinking many things this few days..
haiz
i dun noe wat to say... meaning speachless.
but i just will live my like usual...
change my attitude a bit to more better..
hope i can make it
n be happy,
really happy....

my wish for my self, pass my exam with flying colours
n be healty.